Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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