By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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