I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
