Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
