is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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