What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
