oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
