we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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