wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
