But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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