Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How does it feel to date your dad?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
