I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
