Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
