Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
