i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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