1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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