If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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