Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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