Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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