I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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