Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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