I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize