yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
