You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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