he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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