worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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