Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
