woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
