Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
