dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
