I think scott just propositioned me for sex
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
