Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
