How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
