just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
