please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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