this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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