I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
