Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
