no, he came in my armpit
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
