The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
