Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
