Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
