woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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