covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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