Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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