Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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