I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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