There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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