i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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