you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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