Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
