you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
