Soap is not a condiment
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
