I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
