Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
