Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize