a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize