he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
