You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
