After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
