no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The adults are the big ones right?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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