Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
