only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
please don't ironically join a cult
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